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Showing posts from August, 2013

The world is my family, because I know nothing else

Treat others as you want to be treated, remember? Haven't we all had this explained to us at some stage, by well-meaning souls or angry best beloveds when they found out we told work they'd had a duvet day. But what about treating others as they expect to be treated?

In the aspie world, we learn by example, often because our own experience and knowledge seems at odds with what other people know. If we see our powerful parents doing something a certain way, then that becomes the right way to do it. This is true of all children, but let me explain why it becomes more true of the aspie.

Over time, other children learn by their own experiences. Aspies aren't immune to this. We also learn some of the many and complex methods of living in the modern world. Then we come up against a barrier. It's an invisible one, created gently by our younger years when so many 'rules' were set in place.

Over time, other children grow and understand that life isn't always what y…

The beauty of failure

There is a part of every aspie that would be relieved to find themselves destitute, so long as it was in a quiet corner. Not permanent destitution, just a temporary state where there would be no claims made upon their time or person.

This quiet corner is not meant to be destitution, it's actually supposed to be a calm moment, hidden from the world. The aspie isn't looking for a cardboard box to call home and a three-legged dog to bring in the contributions. What they are looking for is solitude.

If you imagine this as the end goal, a complete escape from everything that makes up a real, adult life, then you see it as it really is: an aspie who wants to step aside for a while and let it all pass. Now, keep this in mind and compare it to the aspie under pressure in everyday life. The two are inextricably linked but hardly ever are they seen this way by family and friends.

If you have supportive people around you, they know you need time off. They actually watch out for the warn…

Aspies are really, really stupid

No, bear with me, please don't send me dead hamsters in the mail.

I was reflecting on how many times I ask for things to be repeated because I haven't understood them. Usually this happens in a crowded, public place, with an audience (why do these things always have an audience?).

Always, there's a good reason I didn't understand. I would say that most of the time it's because I was distracted, either by an inner happening or an outer distraction. Sometimes, I'm just tired and have no idea what is going on.

To make matters worse, I hardly ever need something complicated explaining to me. Give me complicated and I can return it with extra complexity. In-depth descriptions are unnecessary, I usually know the answer. But set me in front of a simple situation, where my attention is elsewhere, and I'm lost.

One of my most popular decisions is to forget how to use cash machines. Not the hole-in-the-wall types, the ones on checkouts, with a queue behind them. I t…

Showing the real you...how it fades

I was choosing the latest picture for my writing blog and realised that when I choose pictures of adult women for it, they are usually atmospheric, unsettling and with smooth, calm, but unnerving expressions. In contrast, when I choose the pictures for this blog, well, you know how that turns out.


For some reason, once I had decided to seek out pictures of engaging little girls (and sometimes boys) to illustrate my posts, I was able to find ones which really emphasized the feel of each post. Mostly, I'm looking for an expression of emotion, sometimes the setting is more important.



I have great fun choosing them and often get a buzz from finding the one that fits, just right. Some of the girls are familiar to me, as I go back to the same photographer, finding their little models encapsulate the essence of my blog. Yes, like a bad parent, I have favourites.


And then, back to my writing blog, where it's mostly pictures of adults and away go the smiles, draining off the emotion, …

WARNING: Aspies at Large.

When entering Aspie-Dar Park there are a few things you need to remember to keep you safe and our aspies happy. Follow these simple rules and you and your family can enjoy your time at Aspie-dar and have a day out to remember!

1. Approach aspies with caution. Most aspies are quite friendly but easily startled. If you want to approach them, keep in plain sight the whole time and don't make loud noises to attract their attention.

2. If you have inadvertently startled an aspie, they will usually run away and hide. Do not try to chase them and calm them down. If you see their hiding place, pretend you haven't and move on.

3. Sometimes, aspies will have unprovoked shows of anger. These are most often harmless and designed to show the gentle creature's inner torment. It is still a good idea to keep your distance as aspies can be unexpectedly energetic.

4. If it seems like one of the aspies is going to engage in aggressive behaviour with you, lie down on the floor, holding your …

Humour as a side effect of Aspergers

I've talked before about aspies and humour. It's something very important to me as I find lots of things funny, I like to be funny and am often funny at inappropriate moments. All of that is fine (well, except when it isn't) but I also think finding things funny is a direct side effect of living with aspergers.

Just when I think I'm getting away with it and being nicely normal, I'll find myself laughing. Not in a maniacal way, not like a happy witch, just a normal laugh at an abnormal moment.

It'll usually be that I've remembered something funny and laughed again. It's as funny the second or third time. Thanks to my photographic visual memory, I can re-live it, see the funny side and away I go. What a hahas.

Except that I'm in a public setting, often alone and with nothing to blame for feeling so happy that I laughed. Oh, well, ahem, you know, these things happen. It can actually be heartening to know that after so many years of messing up, I can …

Aspie daze...

It strikes me that one good thing about being unreliable and generally 'eccentric' is that when you have a proper off day and can't do anything, no one notices! This is not much of a compliment to me, but I sit before you, a squinting, red-eyed imitation of my former self and the only comment I've had so far is that I'm a bit grumpy.

A bit grumpy? Readers, I've had less than three hours sleep and am not even functioning on one engine, let alone four. We had an early night as IT Teen is doing a temporary job this week and needs to be up at 5.30am. The teens dropped off to sleep straight away - I lay there, waiting for it to be bed time.

Two hours later, at about one am, I finally slept. Then woke up, slept a bit, jumped out of bed, slept a bit...you get the picture. I finally woke up at four am, reading to chew at the walls. I stayed that way until fifteen minutes before IT's alarm went off. Then I slept, until I heard the buzzing from the other room.

It wa…

Choosing your own games

You know when you were little and you had to play with rubbish educational toys that everyone buys for new babies? The cube with the shapes, for instance, with a hammer. Who thought it was good to give a baby an educational toy plus hammer? If you couldn't work out the right shape and hole then you could pick one and hammer it in? Is that the life lesson?

For me, I was bored with those. Having figured out the shape and hole conundrum, I took delight in seeing how far I could push the wrong shape and hole mixture, with liberal use of hammer. My proudest moment was getting the darn star into the circle.

Of course, after this high-end accomplishment, the toy was no longer educational or usable. I think that was the life lesson.

Like small children, we go through life kind of expecting things to make sense. Or, if they don't make sense, we hope someone will give us a nice rubber hammer, one that will force the wrong shapes through the right holes, without coming back and smashing…

I would help...but I'm an Aspie

Isn't it funny how, when people need you the most, you feel like slapping them and running off quick? Or is that just me?

I'm sorry if that makes me sound a horrible person. Think that way if you like. I know plenty of aspies would agree with me, that the idea of being helpful and useful is immensely attractive but the reality feels like pressure and gets the old legs moving.

I'm often reminded of geeky, cosplay Craig, a character from Malcolm in the Middle. He adores Lois for years, always dreaming of a time when he can be the one she turns to in a crisis, knowing that will be when she looks at him and recognises he is her perfect man.


His hour finally arrives when Lois is going into labour and doesn't have time to get to the hospital. Craig sees his chance to be a real hero! Except, his idea of helping and being a hero is Googling for information on home deliveries. By the time he finds anything useful, Lois is having the baby, helped by her daughter-in-law instead.

Forget the last step and trip over the next

I crept downstairs in the dark of night, feeling my way along the bottom of the stairs, trying not to switch on the light. I was doing my best not to wake the house as I made a return journey to the kitchen ages after we'd all gone to bed.

It had suddenly struck me that Custard was locked in the kitchen. This was not a dangerous predicament, it's just that he sleeps in the living room with the dogs. I had forgotten to put him to bed and I imagined him sat, wistfully staring at the door and wondering why he wasn't snuggled with Granny Tess.

Except he wasn't there. For a moment, I lurched as I wondered if he had escaped into the night. He's a house cat and has bad eyesight and very dodgy hearing, so the idea of him loose at night was Not Good.

Before I panicked completely, I went to check the living room. There he was, in his favourite place next to the antique clock he likes to push off, busy washing his bits. He looked up, understandably affronted to have me come …