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Showing posts from November, 2014

How to deal with an aspie in a mood

I'm sure you know what to do when your aspie is in a mood. Yes, leave them alone but also be there when they come out of the mood and need you again. Simple.

But when friends and family hear about the mood they cannot help themselves: the advice comes, the super-knowledge borne from lots of experience with non-aspie people. The ability to see past everything you know to what they think is true.

So, with that in mind, here is a helpful list to pass on to these would-be mood-breakers.

How to deal with an aspie in a mood. Tell them to snap out of it. Go on, I dare you. I'm just going to be over here by the fridge, pretending I'm not with you.

Did it work? No, um. Well, how about not telling them to snap out of it? Maybe ask if you can help instead? Or just come over here by the fridge.

Ask them what is wrong. and don't stop asking until they tell you.

Well, this is bound to work. I mean, if you find out what is wrong, then you can fix it, right? Or you can tell them they…

Just to be clear...is this bullying?

I have a situation, or at least RT Teen does. It's a real-life, right here and now situation, so I must be careful what I say, but...

He has a new tutor at college, someone with less experience than the others and who seems to have taken an instant misunderstanding towards RT. Notice I don't say dislike: I can't say dislike, as I'm not in the classroom and can only judge on what I've heard.

As far as I know, this tutor is a very, um, easily swayed type who finds it difficult to keep order with students sometimes. This seems to have driven him to try to assert himself by being more domineering. The other students in RT's class appear to be ignoring this but RT is being driven mad by it.

RT is quite placid normally. It's me who gets aeriated by things, people, irritations, everything really. He tends to sail through and has stress from typical aspie triggers but is generally accepting of other people and able to get along with them.

Then came the new tutor.

The friend who just doesn't get you. Ever.

Sometimes people are honest if they don't like you. If you are lucky, they come right up and tell you they don't like you. This is good, honestly, because it saves you ever having to care what they think and you can just delete them from your inventory.

Other people do not like you at all but they continue to act like a normal human being to your face, leaving you either with the feeling you are imagining a strange atmosphere or, far worse, imagining you have a friend.

Others do not get you. They want to, they do, because people they value like you and talk about you in glowing terms, so they want to find out why their friends are your friends. Your conversations will be peppered with thoughtful pauses, confused looks, unspoken questions, misunderstood questions and, the summation of someone who doesn't get you, the open mouth.

I like the spirit of the people who don't get me but try. I appreciate their effort and faith in their friend's choices. But really, if yo…

You're special, yes you are.

I don't mind people being kind to me. It's nice to be treated well, isn't it? To have someone think of you and sometimes do things for you that you might find difficult.

I don't mind when people are grumpy so-and-sos either, as long as they are like that with everyone and haven't just decided to make my life cloudy and grey. The grumpiest of people can become a good friend, to the point that you no longer see the grump and only the friend.

I do mind being treated as if I'm Special. You notice the capital there. Not special, you see. Not like a person who might be showered with gifts, boxes of choccies, small dogs in  hand baskets or guinea pigs in bandannas. Special...

Special like Aunty Millicent when she couldn't be trusted near the Tesco trolleys anymore. Special like that little dog down the road who thinks all other dogs are space aliens coming for it. Special like that old pair of shoes you refuse to get rid of even though they let in at the heels an…