Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from March, 2015

Feelings are so last universe.

Give me a really intense, intellectual concept of our place in the universe, with variations allowed for alternate universes, and I'm there. But hurry me when I'm processing a personal feeling and I'm lost. One simple, human concept such as having a feeling when it is felt is so much harder than a giant, grandiose idea of humanity and infinite wonder.

What is it with the aspie brain that uniquely human problems like feelings are so easily felt by the majority? They may still laugh and cry, but they do feel them and at the time they are meant to be felt.

Me? Well, I'm feeding the cats right now and - pause for a check of the feeling - and then I need to get ready to go out and also when am I going to walk the dog? - another pause, shorter this time.

Somewhere later and in the middle of a sentence about rotational symmetry, I'll suddenly feel an affinity with that little shape, trying to turn and be the same shape but in a different place. I understand how that shap…

Today I shall be forgetting lots of important stuff and -

- practically almost remembering everything I should have done yesterday.




Then afterwards making a note on the phone's calendar and setting the little reminder so it can pop up and remind me what I forgot to do the other day. By which time I'll be so bored of thinking about it that I'll press cancel instead of snooze, promising myself that I'll definitely do the thing so it's fine to press cancel.

At some stage, I'll remember (briefly) what I forgot or, more likely, there will be a small crisis caused by what I forgot to keep remembering, followed by an even briefer spell of guilt before I make another reminder because I'm far too busy to do the thing right now.

And repeat, for as many times as it takes for the thing to wear out and not need doing, or for that spark of ingenuity which makes me do it at the moment it needs to be done. Or for as long as it takes for the moon to slingshot around the sun and for me and the rest of the planet to plunge into the …

When aspies are right, they're right.

I'm often a wrong aspie, as are lots of other aspies I know. We don't like being wrong but we're well used to it. We know how hard it can be when someone points out our faults and explains how we got it wrong all over again. It means we become awkward under criticism - obnoxious at our worst.

So it's ironic that an aspie in the right is such a big pain in the butt. (Yes, you are, you know it). If being wrong is painful to the aspie, then being right is at least as big a pain to everyone else.

It's not so much gloating (though some do like to gloat); rather it's to do with:

Making sure the person realises they are wrong, understands how they are wrong and can show the aspie they know they are wrong otherwise there will be absolutely no shutting up about it.

It's almost helpful, this need to point out your wrongness. If we tell you how you went wrong and the many vivid details of your errors, then you'll know not to do it again. We don't like to be wr…

In the absence of understanding, you blame yourself

One half of the conversation is fine, the usual friendly comments, nothing very deep, what you say each time you meet. Then the second half begins and it's obvious the other person is now annoyed. A quick flashback through what you both did and said reveals nothing. What could be wrong?

A little battle goes on here. I try not to blame myself for everything these days, so I quickly look at the evidence. Line up the words, the phrases, the visible nuances which passed between us. Did something happen? Was there a chance for misunderstanding? Did I frown at the wrong time?

It comes back too easily to self-blame and I try to remember: It Is Not Always My Fault.

Keeping this mantra in mind, in the time left between us I try it again, a quick sweep-through our conversation and still I find no explanation for the shift in mood and the obviously irritated, verging on angry expression on the other face.

Oh dear, though. Oh very dear! What is a person supposed to do in this situation? I…

Creatively wrong...again

It's okay to get things wrong (you tell yourself), everyone gets things wrong sometimes (ninth time in one day), you can be forgiven for not always being right (just once in a while would be good).

It's easy to put yourself down when you get confused easily, especially if you suffer from the kind of confusion where you were absolutely sure you were completely right, up until two seconds ago when you found out how wrong you were this time.

Being confused is what I expect of myself these days. I know I'll be wrong, I wait for it and look for it coming along then try to dodge it at the last minute.

If you know confusion is just around the corner it can make you nervous, uncertain of yourself, more likely to make the mistakes which label you as a Confused Person. Don't let Dilly-Dally do it, people will say, she gets it wrong more often than she gets it right - and then she argues with you about it!

The arguing part comes naturally to many aspies, including myself. I am u…