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Showing posts from April, 2015

There's no such thing as a rhetorical question!

I hate rhetorical questions. Like a hole in the path they're just waiting for you to go wrong and put your foot in it.

We're meant to know when someone is asking a rhetorical question. We're meant to understand that people ask questions which don't always need an answer. But why ask a question if you don't want an answer?

Rhetorical questions all hinge on the listener realising no answer is necessary. To understand that you need an amount of common knowledge and the ability to stop yourself opening your mouth and answering the question before the rest of your brain catches up.

Like most aspies, I love answering questions - knowing the answers to things is the part of a conversation I can do. So it's second nature to wait for the chance to take part. If someone says something obvious, how am I meant to know, in that split-second of reaction, that they aren't really asking a question? How am I meant to realise in time that they don't need my help?

I'…

Aspie Empathy and the Cabbage Effect

I know people get upset and it is sometimes necessary to be there while they're upset, rather than hide in the next room - especially if you are the reason they are upset. But then we come down to the usual rigmarole of understanding the upset (which is fine, I understand you are upset) as opposed to knowing how they feel (how on earth do you feel?).

I have a vague idea of how I would feel if I was upset like you are, I just don't understand how you feel in this situation. How you feel and how I feel are different things and my own perceptions cannot be trusted.

So many times I've been caught off-guard by people reacting oddly to things which have no effect on me. What are they doing now? What are they talking about? Hadn't we finished with that? It didn't bother me, why did it bother them?

I know what it's like from the other end, with others not understanding why I react as I do, so you would think this might make me more sympathetic when the roles are rever…

I'm not clumsy, I just forget where my feet have gone.

I was never going to make a tightrope walker, I've been tripping over invisible toads for as long as I can remember. With that peculiarly elegant way of lifting one foot then trying to lift the other before the first has come down, pegging a nose at physics as they somehow meet in the middle and over we go.

I have become very adept at not falling all the way down though. If I could combine this ability with proper elegance and a centre of gravity, then I might have been a small, fat ballet dancer, or at least been able to ride a bike.

I can fall off the pavement, twist as I go and land on one foot with the other raised behind and up, one hand out to hit the road and the other one gripping my phone so at least one of us will make it. Or trip up stairs and find a way to lunge slowly towards the next step so that I have just enough time to stop before I smash my teeth, my nose poised to nudge the stair.

When I was very small, I liked to climb and was discovered in the upstairs windo…

Sometimes you just need to choose balloons

We can all go through life doing the right thing, knowing the exactly correct way to live and following it. Like little goats staggering our way along the thickest of thickets, we kick and gnaw and jump, just so we can go on that high, craggy path that leads to the right place.

Jump off it and you fail, run down the mountain by the meadow path and you fail; stop off at Old Man Blue's house for oatcake and tea and you fail. If the norm is to push and push through the most painful of trials, to take a smoother path is seen as failure.

When did everyone decide we were going up that damn mountain? Who put the map on the table at the other end and pointed to the one place we all had to reach? Was it someone who should have known better? Or did they really think it was best to shove every last one of us to the start of the path then close the gate behind us?

I'd rather not. I don't mind the easy path, if it means stopping on the way down or up and lying in the grass while cloud…