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Showing posts from March, 2016

Why don't you just grow up?

We've all been asked, 'When are you going to grow up?' So, knowing how aspies like to be prepared for difficult conversations, here is a handy guide. Keep it in your pocket and when someone asks a trigger question, whip it out and refer to it. They might be a little impatient for your answer but that's their problem. They asked a question so they can have an answer, in a minute.

Please note, not all answers are suitable for all questions. Do try to exercise judgement and don't mix them up just to make the conversation more interesting. You know how that turns out.

1: When are you going to grow up?
Usually asked in an exasperated tone. This means the person doesn't expect an answer, they simply expect a magical transformation. But they still want you to speak, so try:

When I feel like it! This may not inspire confidence in your listener.
I am grown up! Invites specific, awkward examples of why this is not true.
Gah! Insert your own special word to go with hand-flapp…

Hypervigilance!

Being hypervigilant sounds like some kind of super-power. Instead of waiting to see how someone reacts to what you do or say, just study them hard before doing anything and then make your next move. This has the added advantage of giving you vital extra time to rein in any eccentric actions and to re-read your planned response.
Conversations or interactions can only be made better by hyper-vigilance. Watch, watch, watch deeper, watch better, work 'em out, make them squirm under your laser-like stare, make them feel like the surface of the sun is searing down on their upturned face, make them yours and yours alone for the moment it takes to work out what they are feeling.
Yes, and then? Shall I tell you? Then, after all that god-mode watching you have a good idea of how the other person is feeling and how they are reacting to whatever you have already said and done. But, well, what if you haven't done anything yet and you can see they are upset? Or what if their reaction is to…